2003-02-05 - 11:19 p.m.

Choad

Hmmm. The last entry had a little of the ol' Unintentional Irony. I was complaining about people complaining. It was supposed to be funnier than it sounded. I'm well aware that by focusing on the shit in your life you make your life, well, shittier. However, it is amusing to take note of some basic human foibles, and while they provide a little comic relief they can also give a demonstration of how you shouldn't live your life.

Well, today and yesterday there was a customer who was foibling all over the place. All I can do is look at him and file him under "things that make me go hmmmm."

Yesterday I was downstairs working in the store. About a half hour before closing time, a guy called and said that he was going to be showing up in about twenty minutes and he was wondering if we could stay open a little later for him.

As you can imagine, retail people LOVE requests like this!

Alan, who fielded the call, said it was okay - he didn't have anywhere urgent to go after closing. After he told me about it I warned him that this particular customer was someone I was familiar with and he was "all hat and no cattle." That is, he talks like a big spender, but seldom actually parts with serious dollars.

As predicted, he showed up just before closing and then began to do some serious browsing. I had a lot of work to do in the back of the store, so I let him have his fun.

At one point he called back - "Uber! I can't find anything I'm looking for!" I just sort of rolled my eyes. Recently I'd put out a couple of major collections and if he couldn't find anything in them, he wasn't really looking.

The fact is, I also knew this guy from chess. He was a pretty strong player, in fact his rating is currently higher than mine, but he has a reputation for erratic behavior. He'll get all excited about something, and then just as quickly forget about it.

A couple of times I went out and talked to him and Alan for a while, then went back to work in the office. Finally I looked at my watch - it was two hours after closing! The time had really gotten away from me. I came out front to see how things were coming, and to let him know it was time to settle up. As I could have predicted he really hadn't picked out much of anything. However, he did have his eye on a nice early copy of Amazing Spiderman but he didn't have the cash to purchase it outright. I told him $40 would hold it, and he could pay it off over time. With a flourish, he took $75 out of his pocket and put it in my hand. Hey, I actually got some money out of him!

He kept apologizing about how late he was keeping us, all the while not making a move to hurry up. Finally, after another half hour he finally rang out. He bought about $35 in other stuff as well.

This guy has a curious characteristic that I'm finding hard to describe. He seems very friendly and gregarious, and yet he manages to accidentally insult people. For instance, he is married with two children, and implied that it wasn't so bad that he was taking up Alan's and my time since we were a couple of lonely old bachelors. Well, thanks. He was surprised when I told him that I indeed had a very nice girlfriend, and she was waiting for me to come home so she could start dinner. Alan doesn't have a girlfriend right now, and he managed to make him feel awkward about it. Is this guy just clumsy, or what?

Well, I was pleased that I'd got him to spend some money because it definitely cost me some cash to pay Alan for the extra 2 1/2 hours. I have to be more careful about that - this customer is one of those people who if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile.

Anyway, this isn�t the end of the story. Early today, while the Manager was trying to break down the new comics, this guy calls on the phone and says that he can't get the expensive Spider-man comic after all. The Manager carefully explained to him that meant that his deposit was forfeit, and the guy didn't seem to care. So this guy essentially spent $75 for nothing. That doesn't make sense, but there's a lot this guy does that doesn't make sense either.

Later in the day today, I went down to the store and Alan was visiting, talking to the Manager.

"The two of us have come to a decision," the Manager intoned, "that guy who abandoned his deposit - he's a choad."