2002-10-02 - 11:25 p.m.

Those Reality Shows!

I have a weird relationship with the TV. When I was little, I spent a LOT of time watching it, in fact that's nearly all I remember about my pre-Kindergarten life. When I was in high school I just got out of the habit of watching it, and I got annoyed at all the mind games that commercials were trying to play with my head. To show what a low priority TV is in my life - after I moved out of my parents' house it took ten years for me to actually buy a TV for my apartment.

I realize that I'm kind of a TV snob, but I know how very addictive it is. Lily can study while the TV is on, but it utterly annihilates my concentration. While she's watching it, or even playing video games, I often have to wear headphones to keep from getting distracted by it. I have a monkey mind, and TV drives it apeshit!

While Lily has been away the TV has been mainly off. I don't really miss it. Except for... reality shows!

Frankly, I blame Diaryland Survivor. If it weren't for being in that contest I never would have started watching Survivor, and if I hadn't been watching Survivor I wouldn't have gotten hooked on Amazing Race. Oh, the cruel fates!

Basically, these are the only two shows I care about on TV. Well, I rather like Monk, too. However, there is a little problem with Survivor - it runs at 8p.m. on Thursday night. When Lily went to China, I promised her I'd tape Friends and Scrubs so she could watch them when she got back. And guess when they are? Right, Thursday from 8 to 9 p.m. Curses.

Well, can't I watch Survivor while taping the other two show? No, because the Frown Town Chess Club meets Thursday nights, starting at 7:30. ANY OTHER NIGHT would be fine. Oh well. The manager and his pal Walter have been taping Survivor for me, but I don't get to see the episode until the following Monday, so I have to walk around with my fingers in my ears for four days. NO, DON'T TELL ME WHO GOT VOTED OFF!

Well, it's early yet. I don't really know this new crop of folks that well, so I might not remember their names. If someone said: "Oh no! Suzie got voted off!" I'd probably say: who's Suzie?

I know it's something of a misnomer to call these "reality shows," since Survivor has nothing to do with reality, unless you're a character in the book "Lord of the Flies." Reality shows just give networks the chance to use a bunch of actors they don't have to pay. It works for them!

I'm shaking my head at how the new tribes are working out. On this season's debut, the two oldest Survivors actually got to pick their tribes, and the older guy picked a team of buff young hotties and hunks, while the older lady picked a team of, well, feebs. As of this writing Team Feeb has lost both Immunity Challenges, and they've reacted to these setbacks by voting off 1) an able-bodied man who sort of annoyed them, and 2) a young woman who was kinda sick. Well, the second one was not much of a shock. It's a general rule of thumb of the game that if you puke - you get voted off toot sweet.

Frankly I think the Feeb Tribe would be somewhat less feeble if they voted off the cranky, annoying, complaining woman with the cornrows, but hey, I'm not there. And from looking at the preview for next week, I think they're going to regret they didn't get rid of her sooner.

I was going to go to the Survivor website to see what her name was, then I thought - STUPID! You'll find out who was voted off!

I'm sure if Team Feeb gets too feeble the show's produces will throw in a curve to even things up. Either they'll shuffle up the teams, or they'll come up with an immunity challenge that will be easy for them to win. Just you wait. And if Team Buff actually loses an Immunity Challenge, I'll bet they are going to tear into each other like a bunch of wolverines.

Human nature! A fun thing to watch from a distance!

All that being said, I have to say that I really like Amazing Race better. For starters, there are all these exotic locations and stunts, which definitely spice things up. Also, I like the concept of people getting booted off because they came in last in this week's race, rather than getting the can because they flunked the Tribal Popularity Test. I'm in favor of merit over psychology every time.

Tonight was the series premiere of the latest edition of Amazing Race. The show started with twelve teams of two, with the last place finishers getting the sack. And I can actually watch it instead of having to tape it! Woo-hoo!

I have to admit that this episode was really fast paced and quite enjoyable. Probably what made it seem so chaotic was the fact that you had to keep track of twelve teams. As attrition makes the number dwindle, the pace will slow a little.

Of course, like Survivor you get a big dose of human nature. In this early stage you get a chance to see how people talk a good game, then don't deliver. You'll get a team which brags about what tough competitors they are, but the minute something goes a little wrong they run around in circles like a hamster that just got marijuana smoke blown in its face. (Disclaimer: No hamsters were actually stoned in the making of this simile)

One of the teams is a pair of twin brothers who are models of some sort. The are handsome, buff and charming, but that ain't what wins races. They are plainly inexperienced travelers, and not good at orienting themselves and recovering from mistakes. They finished second-to-last this week, so next week might be their swan song. A pity. I rather enjoy watching them flail around.

The team that got sent to the showers this week was a team of Soccer Mommies. While staying at home and raising children is a worthy occupation, it doesn't give you much experience in winning a travel race. There were three teams that were trailing at the end, and the Soccer Moms got lost, and had trouble with their ride. Of such little things is elimination made.

One thing I noticed as I was watching was that everybody seemed pretty buff, even the older teams. Chubby Mr. Hamster would not fit in well with this crowd. Last time they had a team of grandmothers, but apparently this time they decided to not have a team that was a heart attack waiting to happen.

Another thing I noticed was that a lot of the team members spoke Spanish. Traveling through Mexico, that's definitely a good skill to have.

I can't wait to see what kind of wacky stuff they're going to make them do next week.