2002-09-07 - 11:06 p.m.

The Adventures of Stupidman!!

I am just about done inputting games from the state championship, and I think this is the fastest that I've ever done it, in spite of there being more games than usual. The main reason for my dedication - recently I've been feeling too confused and stupid to do little else but input games.

A sign of my feebleness and dementia was my last entry. What the hell was that about? Nobody but me cares if some silly people want to bend the rules to win a couple of hundred dollars at a chess tournament. Heck, even I don't care!

Ever since I got back from Kerhonkon my mental focus has been almost non-existent. It's not that I'm tired from the tournament (at least not four days later) it's the fact that my blood sugar is sky high.

Yesterday I was so spacey that Lily, all the way over in China, could tell that something was the matter. She made me promise to call my doctor and see what the results of my tests were. I called the doctor's office late in the day, and the secretary told me that the results weren't in yet. However, she gave me the impression that it was no big deal, and if there was nothing wrong on the tests the doctor probably wouldn't call me at all. So I'm just sort of sitting here in limbo, waiting for a phone call that may never some. Meanwhile, my brain is dribbling out my ears.

Of course, the trouble with feeling stupid like this is, well, you're stupid! You make dumb decisions, or you do foolish things without realizing that they are dumb or harmful.

For instance, today I was getting my lunch at a local Subway sub shop. As Lily can tell you I love me some Subway. Anyway, I usually drink Diet Pepsi, but there was something wrong with the dispenser - all that came out of the self-serve soda machine was carbonated water. So what will I drink instead? Why not regular Pepsi? Why not? Well, because it's got SUGAR in it, you doofus, and that's what's making your brain not work! And to compound the problem, later in the day I went out for ice cream. Not a good idea.

So right now my head feels like it's floating away from my body, like a balloon tethered by the slenderest of strings. I bet tomorrow morning's blood sugar is going to be astronomical. I've decided that I don't care WHAT my doctor says, I'm going to start taking my diabetes medicine again until my blood sugar levels off at least a little.

Apropos of nothing, even though I may be a little thought-challenged at the moment, I can still tell when something really stinks. As I mentioned previously, I've been working my way through the John Carter of Mars novels of Edgar Rice Burroughs. I just started the tenth book (of eleven) and something is just not right. It looks like Burroughs just sort of gave up trying to tell a serious story between #8, The Synthetic Men of Mars (1939) and #9, Llana of Gathol (1942). At this point Burroughs was in his late sixties (he was born in 1875) so maybe he was just tired of writing pulp stories.

The story in Llana is so contrived, and the plot so perfunctory that I can't believe that Burroughs actually got away with it. Well, at that time he was probably one of the most famous authors on the planet - who was going to tell him no?

To give you an idea: John Carter is lost in the catacombs of an ancient city, along with one of the survivors of the formerly dominant race of Martians. John Carter takes out a portable jetan (Martian Chess) set, and the survivor fellow falls in love with the woman depicted as one of the queens in the set, which turns out to be John Carter's granddaughter, Llana of Gathol.

Wait a minute. The chess piece couldn't be over two inches tall - this is the basis for falling in love with someone? Even more contrived it the fact that a little while later Llana herself turns up in the catacombs, even though Gathol is thousands of miles away! There is a convoluted explanation for how she happens to be there, but as they used to say in Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Welcome to Plot Convenience Playhouse!"

I have to say this though, this book is a lot funnier than the others in the series. John Carter just has the outrageous attitude that he can kick everyone's ass, or as he constantly reminds us he is "the best swordsman of two worlds." John Carter so far outclasses everyone he runs across that he just makes them look foolish, which sort of short-circuits the tension in the story since you never believe that he is in any real danger. Also very funny is the way Burroughs hurriedly ties up all the dangling plot threads in the last few paragraphs of the book. It sounds very much like the end of a schoolboy's essay, finished ten minutes before it was due to be handed in. "TheyalllivedhappilyeverafterTheEnd."

Oh well. I can't say it wasn't entertaining - Burroughs could probably tell stories in his sleep. I just wish that I got the impression that he was trying just a little bit.