2002-10-09 - 11:49 p.m.

Babies Left on My Doorstep

What? Wednesday already? That means it was time for my weekly trek to UPS to pick up the new comics.

As I mentioned previously UPS had changed its policy. No longer would we be permitted to wander around inside their huge warehouse willy-nilly, getting our order together. No, we had to stand at the customer window and wait in line. When I told the Manager about it two weeks ago he wondered out loud how long they were going to actually follow this policy, since policies that run counter to employee convenience are generally ignored. Well, the answer to that question turned out to be "about two weeks." Today, I was told that I shouldn't bother to wait in line, that my boxes would be just inside the door, and I could get them together myself.

The reason for this "special treatment" is obvious: frequently boxes of comics weigh more than fifty pounds and the UPS employee, who is a woman of no great size, didn't want to heft them over the customer service counter. So, what happens is I schlep the heavy boxes around, and then stand there twiddling my thumbs while she takes care of other people. In effect I have the worst of both worlds - I still have to move the boxes around myself but now other people get to be served in front of me while I am doing it.

Oh, and I'm supposed to keep it a secret that I'm "allowed" to do this. You guys promise not to tell anyone, okay?

Perhaps I can improve the situation a bit by showing up at the UPS hub earlier.

Anyway, today I want to talk about two comics that came in today that have a lot in common. They are both mini-series, they are both about characters with a fairly long history, they are both first issues, and they are both by Marvel Comics. Gee, that's a lot in common!

Anyway, why I called this entry "Orphans on Left on My Doorstep" is that Marvel just sort of tosses out mini-series without looking what they are doing. They don't support them, they hardly provide us with any information on them, and yet they expect us to try to sell them. If they don't sell, well, then that's OUR fault. Occasionally there is a surprise sleeper hit, but of course we can't get any reorders so a book that COULD have been a hit gets strangled in the cradle. See, more baby metaphors!

Bite me, Marvel. You're a bunch of chumps.

Both these books are classic Marvel - good comics hobbled by bad business decisions.

Killraven #1

Here is a book that gave me a powerful sense of D�j� vu: it was almost a complete re-telling of the first appearance of Killraven back in Amazing Adventures #18(1973). What made it even eerier was that the artist is Alan Davis, whose style bears more than a passing resemblance to Neal Adams, the fellow who drew most of AA #18.

The basic plot is this: in the not too distant future, the earth has been conquered by the Martians of H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds but they are immune to the germs that killed them in the book. The Martians control most of the earth, which is mainly devastated. There are pockets of resistance, but humanity is pretty thoroughly defeated. The Martians now breed humans for their amusement, like genetically engineering fighters for their gladiatorial contests. Killraven and his small band of freedom fighters, are escaped gladiators looking to join the human resistance - if there is one.

This is a book steeped in retro - it's about a radio show that was about a book that was published over 100 years ago. The costumes of Killraven and company are exactly as they were 25 years ago, and they look REALLY 1970s. Alan Davis is a an artist with some clout. Why is he doing a project like this, one that is likely to be buried? I can only assume that he fondly remembers the original Killraven and wanted to resurrect the character. He also is a decent writer too, and he is penning the project himself. I guess he has a personal stake in the character.

Back in the 70s the original Killraven story was kind of interesting. It was kind of a psychedelic tour through the United States, as it had been morphed by the Martians. It was kind of a backhanded social commentary, but the original writer, Don McGregor, tended to overwrite his stories so much, it was hard to tell just what he was trying to say.

The artist of the original series was P. Craig Russell, who did some lovely work there. More recently Russell has been adapting the fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm, and the operas of Richard Wagner.

Also, while the original series ran, there were rumors that Killraven was really gay. The creators carefully avoided him getting involved with any of the women he ran across. Back in the 1970s that sort of stuff was hush-hush. Let's see if they do anything with it in the more "liberated" oughties.

This book is well written and well drawn, and I was certainly entertained by it. I'm also eager to see where Alan Davis is going with this. My only problem with the book is that it's terribly derivative of the original, but that's something 95% of readers won't be bothered by since not that many people who remember Amazing Adventures are still buying comics.

Mekanix #1

While the choice of a Killraven mini-series was a little puzzling, this is just outright stupidity.

Who, or what is Mekanix? I read the comic, and I'm not sure myself.

Kitty Pryde, also known as Shadowcat is tired of all the death she has seen as a member of the X-Men, so now she is at the University of Chicago, working on a cutting-edge physics project. However, an anti-mutant terrorist group has gotten wind that a mutant is working on the project, and so are determined to short-circuit it. They succeed in hacking into the project, and interfere with an crucial experiment, with catastrophic results.

Okay, so what we have here is the X-men meet the movie Chain Reaction with a little Coyote Ugly thrown in. What the hell?? Coyote Ugly?

There is a gratuitous scene where Kitty Pryde is working as a bartender dressed in a leather bondage-like outfit tossing bottles around. Good grief.

It sort of gives one pause that Kitty has been the X-Men's teenage heartthrob for about 20 years. Finally she's been allowed to grow up a bit. I guess if she's old enough to be a BARTENDER now, she must be over 21. Back in the 80s fanboys used to get all gooey over dear sweet Kitty. Now she's all growed up!

Frankly, I think the writer, long time X-men scribe Chris Claremont, just wanted to dress her up in leather. Okay, whatever makes your monkey spunky.

In spite of my crotchety comments, this is actually a pretty good book. The story held my interest, and of course Kitty is a sympathetic character. It's not the usual superhero stuff, which is just fine by me. In fact, I don't think you see anyone in spandex in the entire comic. Also the art, by Juan Bobillo, is very impressive. I can't remember where I've seen his work before, but he does an excellent job here.

Best of all, Chris Claremont, who has some really annoying habits as a writer, manages to restrain himself here from his usual overwriting and truckloads of cheesy dialogue. This is the best thing I've seen from him in a while.

So where does the stupidity come in? Gee, where do I start? Besides the usual Marvel stupidities (no support, no reorders, little advance information) we have to add a few others. I mentioned that I liked artist Juan Bobillo, but for some reason he isn't doing the covers, someone named Celia Calle is, and she sucks. At least I assume it's a she. Regardless, the cover is a huge turnoff. But wait, there's more!

Kitty Pryde has been a popular character for the last twenty years. Yet, her name is nowhere on the cover! The X-men are a hugely hot property, but they aren't mentioned anywhere either. All we see is a young woman who seems to be coming in through a solid wall, with a tiny "X" symbol on her shirt. Sorry, that's not really enough to tell us who this character is, considering that she's so poorly drawn. Like I said before, I have no idea why the series was called Mekanix.

When we ordered the book, all we saw was the crappy cover, so we gave it a low ball order. A pity, since the interior art was so nice. However, it now appears that our order was not low ENOUGH since nobody seems to be picking up the book. I think we may have to put some signage on it, so people know what the hell it is. This is strictly damage control, so we don't get stuck with a pile of comics.

Once again, even when Marvel does something right, they do something wrong. They're their own worst enemies.

And I just have to add this postscript: in doing some research for this review I had the misfortune to visit Marvel's website, with is a Flash-lovin', pop-up window pimp-daddy nightmare. The site wouldn't let me use the "back" button to get out of it, and they even had the nerve to have a pop-up window disclaimer that said that Marvel was not responsible for anything their advertisers did. Really! Marvel seems to be a company run by, and for, corporate lawyers. I wonder, do they TRY to piss me off, or is it just a natural byproduct of their stupidity?