2002-10-07 - 11:50 p.m.

My baby wrote me a letter!

Oh my goodness. I just got a letter from Lily. It was a love letter. It was adorable and honest and cute and sexy. It's just about the most wonderful letter I've ever received. I'm tickled pink!

Adding to the effect is the fact that Lily wrote it on some, well, unique stationary. It really isn't her fault - apparently there was not much available at the stores she went to. So she had to settle for some stationary that was meant for someone a little younger than her. The pages are full of cute designs, sweet and poignant sayings with hilariously bad syntax and cartoon cats. I just have to show them to you!

Lily and I have dubbed these guys the "kopy-kitties" since they are obviously an imitation of Hello Kitty or somesuch. Go ahead, just try to enforce copyright law in China! Good luck!

Here's some of the cat pix:

Here it looks like Kitty is thinking about all the uninsured drivers in China.

Awwwww!

Hmmm. A sweet dream of a forbidden sex act with a turtle? By the way, in China calling someone a turtle is a BIG insult!

Happy time? Well, if you say so. From where I sit the Kitty molesting the turtle seems to be enjoying itself more.

Adding to the entertainment value are the sayings that accompany most of the pages. Here are some examples, with comments in italics by Mr. Hamster:

"Youth smiles without any reason. It is one of its chiefest charms."

That, and the fact youth looks better naked than old people do.

"BEST WISH FOR YOU - I hope my best wishes and genuine yearning will bring you boundless merriment on such a wonderful day"

Holy cow! Talk about earnest! Still, boundless merriment sounds like a good deal.

"HAPPY DAY - Courage is grace under pressure."

Talk about cultural differences! My idea of a happy day is no pressure and a big pile of chocolate.

"REMEMBERING - Let there be sunshine all of year days."

Year days? Are those like month hours?

"BEST WISH FOR YOU - Be cheerful my friends! No matter wherever you are, luck and joyfulness are alwith you."

Stuff like this is the reason they don't need Prozac in China.

"GOOD FRIEND - Your luck improves with improvement of yourself."

Hey wait a minute! That actually makes sense in a sort of metaphysical way.

- and finally, my favorite:

I LOVE YOU - Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.

I take it that means you don't want to join in on my email porn scam.

Well, that's enough boundless merriment.

I hope that Lily doesn't think I'm making fun of her delightful letter here. I think the cute stationary makes it even more special. Lily even came up with a name for the mangled English on it - it's Chinglish! As opposed to Engrish.

Of course, I now have to write her a love letter back. I really have my work cut out for me! I don't have any cartoon kitties to help me out!