2002-10-04 - 11:18 p.m.

Lost

Okay, I've been having a couple bad days here. I've been feeling kind of lost. Now, I discover that I'm not just feeling lost, I'm losing things.

There is a little black book that I keep around the Hamster Palace. It's not THAT kind of little black book, it's my personal phone/address book. I also keep account passwords and other important pieces of information in it.

In this information age, I know it's a bit of a throwback to have something like that, but I think it's actually better to not have information like that on electronic media. If something goes wrong with the computer or whatever electronic storage device you are using, the book is still there and the information is easy to get at, even if the power is out.

I was looking for it today, and I couldn't find it. With annoyance I thought about how much of my life is spent looking for things, with this damn address book being at the top of the list. It's a stupid way to life your life, but I just have this terrible habit of not remembering where I put things down.

I kept looking, and I still wasn't finding it. Then something occurred to me. I had a vague memory that it should be on the chair that I'm using for an impromptu endtable near the couch, but there was nothing on the chair. Then I remembered something. Yesterday morning as I was walking past the bags of garbage outside the house I saw same newspapers in my garbage bag. "That's odd," I thought "I don't throw out newspapers."

What I think might have happened is that a bunch of newspapers that were on the chair fell into the wastepaper basket next to it, and the black address book went with it. The bags of garbage are long gone now.

I feel so stupid and careless, but I really can't think of any other explanation. It just seems to be GONE.

I just feel really bad about it. It's not like it's an immense tragedy, but there is information in there that I probably can't replace, addresses and phone numbers that I don't have anywhere else. For instance the phone numbers of Lily's parents were in there, and I'm pretty sure that info isn't anywhere else in the apartment.

I hate to say this, but this is par for the course for me recently. I have just been feeble and confused and making lots of mistakes. However, this is the most serious blunder I've pulled in a long time.

Is it this damn diet? Or is it the fact that I'm not doing it right? There have been a lot of benefits from the diet, but this weakness and lack of mental clarity doesn't seem to be worth it.

In a couple days I could find the address book behind a chair, or under a book and feel like a fool. However, I don't think that's going to happen since this place is fairly neat right now. There really aren�t too many places for it to be.

When will I learn to get organized???