2002-01-31 - 11:38 p.m.

Snow and Ice

Sometime this summer, while I was standing in line at a grocery store, I noticed a headline on one of the trash tabloids: THIS WINTER WILL BE THE WORST IN 100 YEARS!!

Well, I thought, we've certainly had it coming. The last few winters have been very mild. I got depressed, thinking about how cold and snowy this winter was probably going to be.

They I had a cheering thought: what do I care? I hardly ever go outside anyway!

Well, now January is here and... we have another mild winter. In fact, it's been SUPERNATURALLY mild. A few days ago I was walking around outside without a jacket on, and I saw people wearing shorts! Don't those fools know that they are tempting the fates????

Nice weather during January is pleasant, but you know deep down in your soul that your good luck won't last forever. Eventually the cold will return, and you WILL get walloped with snow. Winter will get around to kicking your ass.

Well, today our luck ran out.

The forecast called for snow turning to sleet and freezing rain, a very deadly combination. For example, in 1964 it paralyzed a good part of the East Coast.

The weather predictions were dire. We were going to get about a half an inch of ice after the snow. That may not sound like much, but try to imagine half an inch of ice on every tree and power line. The odds of a tree knocking down the power wires are pretty good - in fact the weather forecast mentioned that power outages were likely.

It was starting to get dark when the snow stopped and the ice started. I went out on the porch to check and the snow there was covered with a gleaming crust that was covered with tiny bumps from the sleet, like stucco. I broke off a chunk - it looked like white peanut brittle.

However, in spite of everyone's fears, it didn't get anywhere near half an inch thick. The roads and sidewalks were slick, but the power did not go out. The weather forecast for the next couple days says temperatures are going to be over freezing, so much of it may melt.

If Mother Nature wants to kill us, she's going to have to do better than that. Well, she still has two more months to try.