2001-11-10 - 11:39 p.m.

The Little Red Wagon

One of the things that I have been promising myself is that when my Dad's estate was settled and I got the various monies that were coming to me, I'd go shopping for a new car. Heaven knows I need it.

Well, the estate isn't really settled yet, but I've had the lion's share of the money for a while. In fact, I even put a good chunk of it aside for the express purpose of buying a car.

On Labor Day weekend I made some preliminary investigations - and then I stopped. In retrospect I think I was knocked off my rails by the events of Sept. 11. I think a lot of people were.

But now I feel the tide of history pulling at me, whispering in my ear, it says: "Buy a new car."

The news is all about how desperate dealers are to sell because business has been in the crapper since Sept. 11. So, in the last few days, I have begun my hunt in earnest.

Buying a new car is not something I do casually, or even very often. The last car I bought was 13 years ago, and I'm still driving it now.

It's a 1988 Honda Accord hatchback. It's bright red. I bought it in October of 1988 and I've been driving it ever since. It's given me very little trouble... except when it has. One time the engine block cracked and so I had to replace the whole engine!

It was a time when money was tight for me, and it was a calculated risk: would the car accept the new engine and could I drive it long enough to make the risk pay off? At this point the answer is obviously "Yes," but if the transmission had blown up after 300 miles, I would have looked pretty stupid. Not to mention pretty broke.

Ah, the stories I could tell about my Little Red Wagon. When I bought it Reagan was still in the White House and I was still living with Lilac.

About a year ago I was involved in an accident while in the car, that story is here. The cavernous pot-holes of Frown Town did a number on the car this Spring - that story is here.

I've tried to keep the car in good shape, but it's 13 years old and has 150,000 miles on it. Time has taken its toll.

The main problem the car has is rust. The back panel below the hatchback is almost totally rusted away. All this year I've been finding postage-stamp size chunks of it in my driveway. It's ugly but not serious. However recently it has become apparent that there is more rust underneath - it's starting to spread out now from the wheel wells. It doesn't look like anything dangerous - at least not yet.

There are other annoyances. The upholstery on the driver's seat is worn through. When I sit on it I can feel the metal rods poking me in the butt.

Also, the car is rather noisy, and due to the fact that the car is getting rusty I can hear it when I drive. As the years have progressed I've had to play the stereo louder and louder to hear it.

Because the car has bounced over innumerable bumps in the last 13 years, it now rattles and squeaks when I drive it as parts that have shaken loose now rub together uneasily like couples at a Junior High School dance.

A lot of guys are really into cars, like my brother Harry, but I've never really been that way. To me, a car is just transportation, a way to get from point A to point B. However, looking at my Red Wagon, now in its dotage, makes me sad. I can easily remember how it looked when it was new, when its paint was unblemished and its finish was perfect. From a distance it still looks that way, but as you get closer reality sets in.

In some ways, it's relaxing driving an old car. It's something I'm used to, and I'm not paranoid about it getting dented or dinged the way I was when it was new.

However, there are the quality of life issues. It can be depressing driving around in a beater. Also there are some essential comfort items that the car is lacking, like air conditioning. When I bought the car in 1988, I thought that air conditioning was a luxury, and I’d just tough it out when the weather got hot. Now it's 13 years later and I'm wondering: what the hell was I thinking??? The car has a black interior for God's sake!

The idea of driving the car down south to pick up Lily last summer was intolerable, so I rented a car instead. Also I was worried - could the car take the long trip?

And that's what the bottom line is. The car has been a worthy companion, but it is now scraping against the law of diminishing returns. Probably the next major repair the car will need will cost more than the car itself is worth. It's at the age where many things could (and will) simply wear out. It would probably be wise not to be still driving it when that moment comes. Being stranded without a car would really suck, and being in a position where I HAD to buy a new car would be bad.

So, it's time for a change. I'm kind of sad to see the Little Red Wagon go, but I'm definitely looking forward to a new set of wheels.