2001-08-26 - 11:48 p.m.

The Golden Palace

Here's a concept I have a hard time grasping: online casinos.

At the top of every Planetarion page there is a banner ad, and by dutifully clicking on them good PA players add a few pennies to the pockets of the creators. At least that's the theory.

There's a wide variety of advertising up there. A few months back some brave ad was trying to introduce us all to the fascinating hobby of... Metal Detecting! You mean buy some expensive equipment so I can find bottlecaps in my back yard? Thanks, I'll pass.

Even funnier were the ads for the dating services that featured many photos of beautiful women, who were obviously professional models. It is a little-known fact that models have an unquenchable lust for online gamers. A little closer to reality were the ads for the online escort services.

However recently there have been a positive flood of ads for online casinos. The reason I point this out is that these ads are annoying in the extreme, and generally feature flashing words and other distractions. Hey, you're messing with my concentration!

A while back some sensitive soul complained about the online casino ads on the PA bulletin boards. According to him they were "immoral" which almost made me choke with laughter. Frigging Planetarion is a SCHOOL for immorality!

Seriously though, I've known people with serious gambling problems, and having a flashing banner for a casino pop up every ten minutes would probably be an invitation to self-destruction.

Of course I understand the appeal of online gaming, but gambling online with real money? That I do not get.

Once upon a time I used to go to casinos in Nevada or Atlantic City twice or three times a year. It was just something I did occasionally. I'd go to a casino with the idea that I was going to have a little fun, and fun costs money. Once the modest sum of money I'd set aside for gambling was used up, I was off to the quarter slot machines for the rest of the night. Every so often I'd finish ahead, but more often I'd leave with my pot empty.

The thing is, all my gambling was done in established casinos that operated under a strict set of rules. Is there any kind of regulation for online casinos? Do you have any assurance that the games there aren't rigged? If you actually win a big prize, will you really get your money?

I like to play games, so I understand the lure of gambling, but tossing away your money in an online casino just seems dumb.

The casino that seems to advertise the most on Planetarion is called "The Golden Palace" and claims to be "the world's largest online casino."

That name, and that claim, conjures up images of the glittering palaces of Las Vegas or Atlantic City, but the plain fact is that the "Golden Palace" is probably just an unglamorous server sitting in some dirty closet somewhere.

And as to being "the largest"... what does that mean? Most players? Most gigabytes available? Most bandwidth? Most money bilked from online suckers? Can they even prove any of those claims?

At best, the "world's largest online casino" is probably the size of an ordinary refrigerator.

So thanks, but no thanks. You can keep your pretend Golden Palace. I'm too busy playing with my pretend spaceships in my non-existent universe.

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