2001-08-09 - 11:16 p.m.

Final Score, 4-2

As I mentioneda couple of weeks ago, I have been playing a chess training match with a local chess friend. A few days ago we played the sixth and final game, which I won, making the final score 4-2 in my favor. As I said previously this margin of victory allows me to save face, but I am still going to lose a bunch of rating points.

This game was another short one, only 25 moves. We started out with the same opening that we played in games 2 and 4. One of the good things about playing a familiar opening is that you can get to move 11 or 12 without having to actually use your brain.

Perhaps I could have put that better. Anyway, practically as soon was we get to the point where our mutual opening knowledge ends, he makes a move that I knew was second-best. The move was actually bad, but it showed that he really didn't understand the opening. I played so he had to keep making concessions for his weak move until, a few moves later, I had his whole queenside pinned down with one measly knight.

A situation like that was very nice for me and rather awkward for him, but I wasn't even close to winning. However he then lashed out with a bad knight move that was an outright blunder. A couple moves later he was down material and looking pretty lost.

However, just when I thought I had him he made a knight sacrifice, very similar to the one that won game four for him. I was so startled by this it took a couple minutes for me to settle down and discover that this knight sac didn't work. I just took the piece off, and a few moves later he resigned.

Now that I think about it, the way this game carried on shows a consistent flaw in my opponent's play: he is unwilling to endure bad positions and grovel for a draw. Instead he lashes out, which most frequently leads to a quick loss. I'll have to point that out to him when I see him next.

Truth to tell I'm relieved the match is over, and this may well be the last serious chess I play for a while.

There is a tournament coming up over Labor Day that I nearly always attend, but this year I think I'm going to give it a miss. Of course, part of the reason for this is that the tournament is being held in the far western part of the state hundreds of miles away, but the main reason is that I don't really feel like playing. In fact, I considered going to the event just to report on it, but I couldn't really see driving all that way without actually playing.

Part of my disinclination to play is that I really don't want to spend a weekend away from Lily. However recently that excuse has been taken away by the fact Lily has been working weekends.

Basically, I think I don't want to play because I don't want to lose. I don't care what anybody says, nobody likes losing. However, I think there is more to it than that: I don't want to see how rusty I've become and I don't want to see how my playing has slipped.

I think that's what it is all about. For a while I was playing to prove to myself that diabetes hadn't totally scrambled my brains, and for a while I managed to prove that it hadn't. However, in the last year or so it has really been harder for me to concentrate.

Whenever I used to play occasionally I would run into walls while I was thinking. I could only see so far into a position, or I could only calculate so deeply. These days I still feel those walls, but they seem a lot nearer than I remember them. Having to deal with that makes me uncomfortable, therefore I don't want to play.

But then again, maybe it's just a phase. In the 15 years that I've been playing seriously there are times when I've played more, and times when I've played less. Who knows? By the time the Frown Town Championship comes around again in two months I could be playing again, same as always. I'll have to see how I feel then.