2001-03-09 - 11:59 p.m.

The Mystery Next Door

I'd like to introduce you to one of our local mysteries.

Although all the snow is a pain, one of the good things about March snow is that it melts off quickly. Looking out the window behind me here I see it dripping off the roof with great abandon, forming long icicles down the side of the building.

However, a minute ago I was looking out a window on the north side of my house and I noticed that the roof of the house next door is an unbroken expanse of white. No icicles are dripping off the eaves. And why might that be?

Because nobody lives there. The heat is not on.

The house next door is only about 20 feet from my bedroom window. It's a duplex like a lot of duplexes on the street. It has a cool turret on one side, which is an architectural flourish that must have been popular around the time that house was built. There are several houses in the area, including mine, with a similar feature.

I remember some years ago there was an old lady that lived there. She was always complaining about one thing or another. I remember one time she was complaining that people shopping at my store were parking in front of her house. It's public parking, dear. Anyone can park there. Now go home and drink your Ensure.

I'm trying to remember what happened to her. I think she died. But I do remember that shortly after the house went on the market it was bought by some guy who lived out of town. Way, way out of town. I think he lived in New York City, some 150 miles away.

At the same time he bought that house, he also purchased the one on the other side of it, a gray house that looks like it was built just after the turn of the last century.

Hey! One more house and he'll have a Monopoly! Then he can build a hotel!

Ahem.

Anyway, I also remember this guy used to get in arguments with the fellow who owned this house before I did. There were disputes about where the property line was and there was nearly a war over a fence separating the two properties. When I took over the house I settled it immediately. I've been on pretty good terms with the other owner from the start.

However, I think he has been a crappy owner of his two properties. Both houses look like crap, and the one next door to me got looking so bad that the city made him paint it. Things were even worse at the gray house on the other side. According to the tenants who lived there, down in the basement was an open sewer pipe. Lily has a schoolmate that lives there now and this girl says that the place is almost unlivable. They've complained and complained to the landlord, but he makes promises and then does nothing. They are going to move out.

The story is different with the house next to mine. It's been empty for the better part of a decade. Occasionally I'll see the owner or some friends of his visiting the house or mowing the lawn, but I've never seen anybody living there.

Why on earth would someone want to buy a house and have it sit empty? It must be costing a couple thousand dollars a year just in property taxes alone.

Over the years the Manager and I have tried to puzzle it out. The best explanation we could come up with was that it is a hydrotropic house. That is, a house set up to cultivate marijuana indoors. That would make sense.

A couple of years back the house got repainted and the job was done by two cheerful women. I think the Manager talked to them and they said that the house was just full of antiques, probably left behind by the old woman. That didn’t really answer the question of why the house is being kept empty.

In 1999 I had a tenant who was a disaster. I might go into it in a separate entry, but it was a nightmare. This tenant had some friends who were kind of disreputable. They, too, were curious about the house. So they decided to scratch the itch of curiosity the old fashioned way - they jimmied their way into the place.

What did they find? Well, they found that the first floor was full of "old furniture." Okay, so the housepainting women were right. However, in between the first and second floor they found a locked metal fire door that they could not get through. Aha! What could be up there that requires a padlocked door?

By the way, the housebreaking idiots told me about this long after the fact.

On his next visit, the absentee owner discovered that the house had been broken into, but nothing was missing. Better to be safe than sorry: he and a friend were up with a van the next weekend to move all the antiques out of the house.

So, what is the deal with that house? Does it hold any secrets? Well, one thing for sure: it probably isn't being used to grow marijuana. Undoubtedly you'd have to heat the house to do that since pot is essentially a tropical weed. If the house was heated, there would be icicles on the roof.

So what the hell is it? I have no idea.