2001-03-07 - 11:59 p.m.

What if?

I don't know what it is but lately I've been feeling like I've been under a cloud, and I'm not talking about the weather. Maybe it has something to do with the events of last weekend. Maybe it's diabetes-related. Maybe it's a chemical imbalance. Maybe it's the stars I was born under. Or maybe I just have the blues. I feel like I'm dirty and I just can't get clean, like every step I'm taking is going the wrong way.

But, what if...?

The snow isn't helping. While most of the main roads are clear, the side streets around where I live are a hellish mess. The high snowbanks have literally reduced them to one-way streets and people parking every which way makes going down every one of them a nerve-wracking experience. People plowing their driveways have pushed the snow out into the street (which is illegal) and cars are getting stuck in the slushy mess. Because half the people can't be bothered to shovel their sidewalks, pedestrians have to walk out in the road, making driving even more hazardous.

Because of the snow days on Monday and Tuesday, I am behind schedule, in fact everyone is behind schedule. Our comic shipments that were going to arrive on Wednesday (today) are now going to show up on Thursday. Still, I am playing catch-up and the snow is blocking my way, slowing me down. And supposedly more is on the way.

But, what if...?

I was on my way to the bank when I saw it. Although I was driving very slowly, I slowed down even more to take a good long look. I couldn't believe my eyes.

A cowboy was calmly walking his horse down the street.

There, in the middle of suburbia, just a block from the bank, a cowboy was walking his horse. He had a black moustache and was dressed in full western regalia: black cowboy hat, brown leather vest and chaps. The horse was brown and was wearing a black leather saddle decorated with silver studs.

There was absolutely no reason for him to be there, but there he was all the some, making his way slowly down the street.

In spite of myself, I began to smile. What a delightful non-sequitur on this gray, snowy day.

Did I say gray? Actually, I became aware of the fact that the sun was shining and the sky was clear and blue. The sun glinted off the new fallen snow, making it seem clean and shining.

When I was doing my business in the bank a few minutes later, I mentioned seeing the cowboy to the teller, and she said she had seen him earlier. Laughing, she said that on a snowy day like today maybe it was better to ride than to drive.

Okay, so I wasn't hallucinating. Just wanted to confirm that.

On my way back, I saw the cowboy again, several blocks down the same street. A guy was shoveling his car out and the cowboy had stopped to talk to him. A child in a snowsuit was petting the horse.

You know, it's easy to get caught up in the bullshit of life. The world can sometimes seem like a parade of cruelties and annoyances, and something dreadful always seems to be around the corner: the stock market drops, your car blows up, the news reports some unthinkable crime, and so on.

But what if I could look at it the opposite way? Instead of gritting my teeth, waiting for the next insult, the next irritation, I spent the day waiting for the next unexpected delight, the next moment of grace? I imagine that my life would have the same amount of good and bad that it does now, but I'd just feel so much better about it during the times in between.

So, what if...?